Love's Labor's Loser
by Fishpony
Summary: “Every fic is better with kissing involved,” claims Hazel, daughter of Aphrodite. Charlotte, daughter of Athena, claims quite the opposite. Romance, its ups and downs explored by a really bored pair of teenagers. Three-shot.
1. The Challenge

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson**

**AN: Just some idea I thought of. The title of this story is a play on words of Shakespeare's play ****Love's Labor's Lost.**

**Chapter One: The Challenge**

"_**Disclaimer: I don't own the PJO series unfortunatly cuz I like, luv Percabeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_Percy and Annabeth kissed passionately in the sunset and swore to always love each other forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and everX100000000000000000000000. Then they rode off on the back of a golden Pegasus into the mist._

_**AN: I need like, 328743423 reviews or I won't right the next chappie.**__"_

It took all of Charlotte's self control not to break the computer screen. Why had she chosen to stay home with _Hazel_ of all people instead of just going to the freaking grocery store with her father? Sure she would have been snowed in with a lot of vegetables all night but that must be better than watching _Hazel _read goopy, overdone, intelligence insulting fanfiction!

Hazel quickly logged into her account, Floweryheartsforeva, and reviewed. "Zomg I lik LUVED it!!!!!1!! UPDATEZ!!!111!!"

Charlotte shook her head, "You make me sick," sometimes she really resented her father for going and adopting the rather dimwitted daughter of Aphrodite. Actually make that, all the time she really resented her father for going and adopting the extremely dimwitted daughter of Aphrodite. He hadn't known at the time but ignorance is no excuse.

And now they were snowed in together alone in the house with only each other and the potted petunias for company. If Charlotte had to choose who she would rather talk to, she would pick the petunias.

Hazel flipped her light brown hair. Charlotte had actually started doing that a lot until she had her hair cut. There was no way she was copying that… ignoramus, "What are you talking about? You're always like, so mean," she complained.

"You give out noob reviews to crappy stories that can't be more than fifty words if you don't count all the "evers". Plus, do you realize how seriously OOC my half sister is in all of those stories?" Charlotte snapped. She looked out the window hopefully, nope. It was snowing heavily, forever trapping her in a house with a dunce. Some god had it in for her.

Hazel giggled, "But there's like, romance in it! That means it good. Duh," she added for emphasis.

Charlotte's mouth fell open. Could her adopted sister be that benighted? "What are you talking about? Romance is the _death _of stories! Stories with romance should be omitted, unavailable, nonexistent!"

Hazel sniffed, "You don't have to show off your fancy vocabulary. I'm not stupid you know."

"Your profile is covered in copy and paste quotes," Charlotte remarked.

Hazel pointed an accusing finger, "Well you're named after a like, spider! What kind of idiotic daughter of Athena is named after a spider?"

"How does that relate to anything? Besides, I wasn't named after a spider we just have the same name," Charlotte shuddered at the thought of being named after a spider. Her dad must have had more sense than that.

"It proves you're stupid!" Hazel retorted, sticking out her tongue.

"You know what? Forget it. I was just tying to emphasis how pointless romance is. Pointless, absurd…"

"Fruitless, futile and sensible," Hazel interrupted in a bad imitation of Charlotte. She let out a nerd snort and pantomimed pushing a pair of glasses up her nose.

"Sensible is an _antonym_ of pointless, ευφυία. And I don't wear glasses," Charlotte muttered.

Hazel stabbed at the computer keys roughly, "Okay seriously, I get like, insulted enough in English and I don't really need you insulting me in other languages also!"

"ηλίθιος," Charlotte whispered slyly as she pulled a book of her book shelf and flopped down on her bed.

"I heard that you stuck up παλιόπαιδο! Why are you so against everything I do?" Hazel complained, then she smirked, "It's because you're jealous!"

Charlotte snapped her book closed, "What the Hades would make you think that?"

"You're so smart about everything but romance, which happens to be _my _specialty," Hazel gloated.

"The reason I'm completely uninterested in romance is because it's stupid and all the fanfictions involving it are inconceivably atrocious," Charlotte said testily. Please let Hazel leave it at that. She really didn't want to get in a fight when there were no paramedics available. Well, snow did bring down swelling...

"Well, I'm on fanfiction more than you and I now that romance isn't like, as godsawful as you keep saying," Hazel said, jutting out her bottom lip in a cute pout.

Charlotte rolled her eyes, "You are misinformed, all romance fics are, in your own words, "godsawful"," she turned away from Hazel, signaling the conversation was over. Hazel probably wouldn't be able to think up a comeback until the spring thaw anyway.

Hazel stewed for a few minutes. She really wanted to beat Charlotte in a contest of wits just once. Was that like, too much to ask? Suddenly an idea hit her like a master bolt. She opened her mouth to say two words that would initiate a chain of events that would rock the world of fanfiction to its core. After those two simple words nothing would ever be the same agian.

"_Prove it_."

**AN: Don't worry, the next chapter will be longer.**


	2. The Race is On

**The Race is On:**

The temperature immediately dropped about ten degrees. If the window had been open an icy wind would have swept in. You could almost here the dramatic music playing.

"What did you say?" Charlotte asked slowly, her voice as cold as the weather outside.

"I want you to prove that all romance, fanfiction or otherwise, is like, pointless, absurd, and all those other words you said!" Hazel said forcefully. Despite her stubborn demeanor inside she was shaking like a leaf. Charlotte was as scary as Medusa having a bad hair day whenever you questioned anything she said. But it was too late to back down now.

Charlotte pondered Hazel's words for a moment. She could unleash all her fury on the defiant daughter of Aphrodite but she probable wouldn't understand all the words she used. She could laugh and refuse but that was the equivalent of backing down and there was no way in Hades that she would do that and let Hazel rub it in her face for the rest of her life, and probably after that too. There was only one thing left to do.

"Fine!" She snapped, "I'll prove it. I'll find the most disgusting, OOC, badly written, romantic piece of garbage on that website and show it to you. Then we'll see whose right!"

Hazel put her hands on her hips, "I'll find a real life _and _fanfiction example of why romance is totally like, awesome and then you'll see that _I_ am right!"

"Okay then. You use the desktop downstairs for research and I'll use the laptop up here. You know, there's a way we could save time," Charlotte mused.

"How?" Hazel asked.

"I could throw a Twilight book at your head," She smirked.

"Oh my gods don't you dare insult Edward!" Hazel shrieked as she stomped off down the stairs.

"You mean Mr. Gary-Stu Sparkle Pants?"

"I hate you!"

Charlotte laughed and booted up the computer. This was going to be so easy. There were enough completely appalling romance stories on alone to make her the victor hands down. And if somehow that failed she could always bring out the secret weapon. Young adult vampire novels.

She quickly typed in fanfiction and logged into her account, Arachnophobia (it's a long story involving the Stoll brothers). She clicked the romance section. Holy Zeus, 2,256 "great love" stories just in the Percy Jackson and the Olympian section alone. She clicked on one at random and just barely managed to hold in her lunch.

**AnNaBeTh or RaChEl?**

"**Diclamer: OMG I DoN't OwN PjO WaHhHhH!!!!!!!!!!1!!**

_"I luv you percy and I want yu 2 dump Annabeth for me. Said Rachel. 'OMG I hate you rachel!" said annabeth. Ten Annabeth ran away. Oh Noess!" said percy "come back Annabeth! He ran after Annabeth and left Rachel. I hate da world!!!11! said Rachel._

_ThE EnD"_

Charlotte trembled in revulsion at the monstrosity Michael Bay wouldn't even be able to capture in a horror movie. Her review, the only one that didn't use chatspeak, expressed her pain:

"*headdesk* *headdesk*

fgbfsgrfhgndfhgt!"

***

Hazel was realizing just how hard this challenge was. She chewed on a perfectly manicured nail nervously. Charlotte would undoubtedly find the romance stories she liked unsuitable. She might as well skip right over to finding real life true love. Jon and Kate? Um, no. Romeo and Juliet? She didn't think they had been real in the first place, never mind the fact that they had killed themselves after knowing each other for a few days.

"Pst! Hazel!" Whispered a voice loudly. Hazel turned around to find an Iris message of her friend Marilyn, daughter of Hermes, in her kitchen.

"Hi Marilyn!" Hazel said

"Hey Hazel! How's the weather? I heard you got like, four feet of snow!" Marilyn gushed.

"Yeah, pretty much," Hazel sighed.

Marilyn noticed Hazel's melancholy expression, "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Well I'm trying to like, beat Charlotte at something but it's not going very well."

"Okay then. You're screwed," Marilyn announced in her usual encouraging matter.

Marilyn's brother Clay pushed Marilyn out of the way, "Oh come on. Charlotte can't be the winner all the time can she?"

"Yes," Marilyn and Hazel answered at the same time.

Clay sighed and rolled his eyebrows, "You guys are constant downers you know that right?" With a start Hazel remembered how she used to have a major crush on Clay. It had never amounted to anything but they were still friends.

"Yes we know. We're the big storm clouds and you're the sun. We're the rain on your parade. We're…" Marilyn was cut off by a hand pressed over her mouth.

"Yeah, I get it Marilyn. Listen Hazel we're still cool right? You're not still mad about the whole mud in your facial cleanser thing right?"

"What mud in the facial cleanser thing?" Hazel asked confused.

"Oops. I guess I haven't done it yet," Clay laughed nervously then he ended the message.

After a few minutes Hazel frantically started typing at the desktop. For the second time in her life Hazel had a kick butt idea.

**AN: Yep, short again.**


	3. And the Winner is

**And the Winner is…**

"People like you are the reason why stories like Twilight are popular. So if you really value the health of this fandom and your dignity delete this atrocity."

Charlotte wrapped up her last flame. Forget the contest; it was going to be a full time job just trying to be an honest reviewer. How had Hazel been able to stomach this garbage?

Just then Charlotte saw that she had a review reply. The whole thing was rather unimpressing and only increased her eagerness toward an anti-fangirl movement.

"Ur just jeelous of my AHMAZING riting skills!

Rub a monkey's tummy!

Rub a monkey's tummy with your HEAD!"

She didn't know whether to be disappointed about the author's spelling or the fact that the main insult came from a children's book.

Hazel came flying up the stairs, "I just emailed my report on the like, awesomeness of romance to you!" She called cheerfully. Then she frowned, "You can use my facial cleanser whenever you want, before me."

Charlotte glanced suspiciously at her. Hazel was not known for generosity. At camp she once got into a catfight with her half-sister over the last bottle of hot pink nail polish. And who could forget the Golden Mango?

"Anyway, I'm so going to win this contest," Hazel said smugly, but she was actually unsure. She had put a lot of work into the real life section but the fanfiction example… not so much. She had really just copied and pasted a link at random from some story she hadn't even read. She was hoping that Charlotte wouldn't notice.

Charlotte opened up her word document primly, "Ah yes. Here's my fanfiction example," she said. She clicked open to the *headdesk* story.

**AnNaBeTh or RaChEl?**

"**Diclamer: OMG I DoN't OwN PjO WaHhHhH!!!!!!!!!!1!!**

_ "I luv you percy and I want yu 2 dump Annabeth for me. Said Rachel. 'OMG I hate you rachel!" said annabeth. Ten Annabeth ran away. Oh Noess!" said percy "come back Annabeth! He ran after Annabeth and left Rachel. I hate da world!!!11! said Rachel._

_ThE EnD"_

Hazel just stared, "And your point is?" She asked, confused. Charlotte *facepalmed* er, put her head in her hands. Hazel had probably favorited this story, put it on story alert (even though it was a one-shot), and favorited the author. Now that she thought about it, the author had written five other stories. Four all about Percabeth and one Artemis-gets-_another_-daughter fic. It was times like this when she believed in the apocalypse. Who knows? Maybe on 12/21/12 Athena will start reading fanfiction?

"Yeah but you don't have a like, awesome example of real life bad romance," Hazel jeered, sticking out her tongue.

"It's called Tiger Woods. Google him," Charlotte growled, rubbing her temples.

"Isn't he like, a golfer or something?" Hazel asked, completely missing the point as usual. She was the only blond that all blonde jokes applied to. Feel free to test it out if you can.

"You know what? Never mind. I really don't have time for your irrationality today. I have to make some idiots cry and no, I'm not referring to you. Let's just read your… _proof_ that romance is…_pure awesomeness_ and then we'll be done."

"Okay," Hazel replied. She hadn't been really listening to Charlotte's complex speech but she had heard the word "awesomeness" and "you" so it must have been good right? So that means Charlotte totally knew that _she _was going to win right?

Hazel read her new message. There were lots of other new messages too. All from fanfiction. She gasped, "Hazel! You used "there" instead of "they're"! Finally!" Hazel smiled pompously, thank the gods for .

There was silence for a few minutes as only the still falling snow pattered against the house and then Charlotte exclaimed, "I can't believe that you had a crush on clay and didn't try to lock lips with him."

"I never said that," Hazel protested, "It's just that like, none of them worked," she remembered the one with the peanut butter fudge ice cream. She winced, how was she supposed to know that Clay was allergic to peanuts.

"So you had a crush on a guy and actually moved on? Instead of burning pictures of him in the back yard and crying in the bathroom for weeks?" Charlotte asked in awe.

"Yeah and know I've ah," Hazel glanced down at the hastily scrawled words on her arm, "matured emotionally from the event and that's my reason why romance is awesome!"

"Okay so your real life romance was the best and my fanfiction anti-romance was the best so I guess we'll have to call it a tie," Charlotte announced glumly. Then she blinked, "Wait! I haven't read your fanfiction romance yet!"

The daughter of Aphrodite chewed her bottom lip, "Well you don't _have_ to. I mean, it's a free country right?"

"Wait. What's Love's Labor's Loser? I've never heard of it before. What is it about?"

Then, conveniently for the author, the power went out.

"That seemed rather planned out," Charlotte muttered in the pitch dark.

Fin

**AN: The end! Okay, I really want to know if anybody can figure out where the "Rub a monkey's tummy" quote came from. I think the book is a T.V. show know so it shouldn't be to hard to figure out.**

** Thanks for reading everyone!**


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